Be on the lookout for a crook - known to have stolen MANY A NIPPLE - and who may be thinking about coming after yours (or your family's!!)

NIPPLE THIEF ALERT -

this user is known to have stolen at least 100 nipples and is suspected in the kidnapping of over nine thousand others

she is wanted for grand theft mammory, resisting arrest (and fondling), tweaking an officer of the nippley-law, piercing in a no-piercing-zone, and corrupting the ignorant

If you know anything that may lead to the arrest of this criminal, call our NIPPLE-ARREST-HOTLINE at 1-800-TWEAK-ME

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO APPREHEND CRIMINAL YOURSELF, CRIMINAL IS CONSIDERED UN-NIPPLED, UNTALENTED, AND EXTREMELY ABRASIVE. NIPPLES MAY BE BURNED IN THE PROCESS, LEAVE ANY AND ALL ARRESTS TO TRAINED OFFICERS OF THE NIPPLE-LAW.